To all the guys I love!

February is the month that reminds us of roses, chocolates, Valentines....L.O.V.E.  So, I thought what better time to blog about the loves of my life.  Its not like I've had a ton or anything, but the ones I have loved have changed my life for the better.

The very first love of my life was that of many little girls...my daddy.  As little girls we all dream of Prince Charming coming for us one day, and often we compare that person to our dad. I was blessed with an amazing Daddy who did everything he could to make sure my brother and I grew up with all of our needs met and many of our wants. We didn't have a lot, but we typically always had fun.  He raised us to love God first and then to always treat others the way we would like to be treated.  He was the man that everyone hugged at church and everywhere else we went. He never met a stranger, still doesn't. He can talk to anyone. Anytime. About anything...well, except for computers or smart phones. I do believe he thinks those are from the dark side! :)  He is a lot like his dad, in that he would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it.  He's a workaholic, always has been. I believe its the work ethic that his generation was raised with ingrained into their very being. Whereas my generation works to have fun, his generation worked to survive. Big difference.  Yes, my daddy was the first man to claim a piece of my heart. I love you, Daddy!

The next man I met that I truly fell in love with, my Daddy introduced me too.  This man, though I've never seen Him with my eyes, or held His hand, or searched for Him on Facebook, He's always with me. He watches over me. He holds me. He is the Friend above all friends. We have had many heart to heart talks since that June evening when I was 8 years old and first met Him. He's heard my every laugh and giggle and caught every single tear my eyes have shed. He even tells me He bottles those tears. He's been there through every failure. Held me when I was full of fear. Has rejoiced with me in many joyful times. And has blessed me in ways that I could never ever imagine!  I worship Him. He made me to have a relationship with Him. I adore Him. I praise Him. He desires my adoration and praise. I strive to be like Him. He wants me to be like Him. I fail Him so often. He always forgives me. He loves me more than anyone else in the world.
I love You, my God. My King. Jesus.

My next major love in my life I met three days after I graduated high school. I had him at "hi", ask him, he'll tell you. He can still tell you what I wore on our first date. And I still remember that hot looking teenage boy that walked into church, and set behind my friend and I, dressed in his Levi's and Ocean Pacific t-shirt. He's an old soul. Always has been. He was the "in the library, at a desk, study everything" college student. I was the "I'll glance over it in the morning before the test, but right now, lets go do something fun" student. He is the tailored, preppy dresser. I am the comfy, fad dresser. He's quiet in a group setting. I am not. He is an amazing speaker. I'd rather have a root canal than speak in public!  He is merciful and compassionate. I'm more of the "suck it up, you're fine" type. He's old school cell phone. I'm 4G. He's into books. I'm into blogs. We are different in so many ways, but our love is founded upon our trust in our Lord and our commitment we made to Him and to each other in June of 1989. He still makes me laugh like no one else can. He has the patience of Job with me. We have been through many difficult days and he has always been by my side, holding my hand, assuring me that it was all in God's plan. We just had to trust. He's been in ministry since before we married, which is crazy that he married me! That makes me a pastor's wife and I don't play the piano. I don't sing. I don't teach children's worship. I'm not comfortable doing hospital visits and I'm really lousy at cooking food for church socials! 

But I am in love with the most fabulous pastor on planet earth. I know him like no one else knows him and I can tell you, his walk walks just like his talk talks!  I'm not worthy, but I'm forever grateful!  I love you, Jason!

The last guy who has taken part of my heart came to us one fall afternoon in 2000.  He makes me laugh. He makes me cry. He lifts me up. He drops me to my knees. He is my son. I've watched him grow in curiosity wondering what things are, what they do, why they do it, and if we can't figure out the answers, well, we'll just take it apart and see exactly why. He can spout off something and I'll threaten to wrap his tongue around his head. Then he can say something with such tenderness, I want to hug him so tight and never let him go.  Little boys are some of mama's greatest joys. Our little men. We want to care for their every need, yet we want them to be independent young men. We want to shelter their hearts from the hurts we know will come. Our hearts melt when they tell us that first time, "Mommy, I'm going to marry you when I grow up and live with you forever and ever."  And though I'm completely and madly in love with him, my son. I want him to find that special young lady, the one who is chasing after the heart of God first in her life. I want him to grow up with the compassion of his father, the kindness of his Papa, and the amazing love and covered in the grace of our Lord. I love you, Turner!

These are the guys I've loved and still love and will for always....my daddy, my God, my sweetheart and my son.

I. am. blessed!

Do-over please!!

Do you ever just want to shout "DO-OVER!!!!" like a 3rd grader on the kickball field?  Why do we always think if we have a "do-over" we could get it right? I've often been the recipient of a "do-over" and you know what? I still end up doing the exact same thing as I did before and yes, I still tend to whine "do-over, pleeeeeeease!!!" I just want to get it right. I just want to be happy. I just want my family and friends to be happy. Do you know what I'm beginning to get? That God did not call me to be "happy", He called me to obedience.  He did not call me to live a life of "do-overs" but to live a life of trusting Him. He calls me to surrender. He calls me be faithful. To be obedient. To be joyful. To be content.

With all of these thoughts flooding my mind this morning, it reminded me of being in 3rd grade....remember playing kickball? I LOVED kickball. And lets be honest, I ROCKED the kickball field!  I was typically the captain, and though my friend was not the best, she was always my first pick, because even then, I realized that friendships go further than kickball games. Sadly, as we grow, we sometimes forget that.

Life, and lets call it like it is, Satan! has a way of making us cynical. He is the one that makes us scream "do-over", basically because he loves to watch us fail over and over again. He thrives on keeping us miserable.  I'm choosing today, to change that. I want to be like Paul in Philippians 4:11, "to be content whatever the circumstances."  And lets face it, looking at the weather forecast, this is going to be a big step.
I know that joyful, contented 3rd grader is deep inside here.  It was that same year that we had a poster contest that I actually won. I had drawn a picture of a little boy, kind of like a Tiny Tim from Dickens' book, he was dressed in shabby clothes and had a crutch, but also a big smile and the words of Philippians 4:11. Don't you think there is a reason why God calls us to come to Him as a child? Before Satan throws all of our fears, failures, and insecurities back in our face.  He seems to do that constantly to us grownups, doesn't he?
At least I feel them all the time. It can come from many sources, but basically the same message and always from him, "you're never going to be good enough".  Well, you know what Satan, you're right! I won't ever be good enough, but I'm so thankful God doesn't look at me the same way you do, He looks at me through the blood of Jesus Christ and there He sees me as clean and pure as the whitest snow. There He gives me grace and love and mercy and will prove Himself faithful time and time again.

So am I finished screaming "do-over"? Probably not. I know there are still going to be days that I will choose to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, but I am going to choose to be a bit more aware of that grace that covers me and just ask for His forgiveness and not a "do-over".  Failures often times make us much stronger and also teaches us the lesson of being content. Content in what we have. In a world where the grass is always greener, the sun always brighter, or the snow always deeper, may we all learn to be content where God has placed us right here. Right now. At this time. To shine our lights for Him. To shine our lights ON Him. May He get ALL the glory and instead of me yelling "do-over" again, I'm asking for His grace once again and then I'm going to get in my car, go to the store, and buy me some daisies to enjoy while I'm snowed in tomorrow so I can say boldly "for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

The Eyes Have It

My son and I ventured half way around the world recently to visit dear friends in the Philippines.  It was quite a trip and while my prayer for months had been that God would open my child's eyes, it was my eyes that were open. No, not so much to ways of living that are so much different than mine, but to the eyes of those I saw on the trip.  Let me share a few:

during a layover in Hong Kong

First of all, my son's eyes.  The eyes that were so heavy the night before because he was too excited to sleep and those same eyes that popped open very early to head to the airport.  His eyes saw many things on this trip, things he has heard about, but never has seen to really believe.  The eyes that had the "cool" look that only a 10 year old boy can have when he met his buddy at the airport. The tired eyes of jet lag. The adrenalin filled eyes as he jumped off a 22' cliff into a pool of water on the side of a mountain. Or the excited eyes as he zip lined.  The eyes that showed compassion to those we passed on a mountain trail as he saw thatched roofs and dirt floors of houses. The eyes that looked out an apartment window to clothes hanging on clotheslines in a monsoon and the questioning of "why?" that was there. The light that lit up his eyes when he was finally able to pass out some silly bands to kids there.  The tear-filled eyes as we drove away from our hotel where we had just told precious friends good-bye.The smile that reached his eyes as he read a letter from Sarah after our take off from Manila.  And the eyes filled with love as he ran to his daddy and sister in the airport!  Oh those chocolate brown eyes that I simply adore!

The excited blue eyes that met us at the airport.



The eyes of precious little children from another part of our world.
          

The eyes of new friends that forever will hold a place in our hearts, even if we never meet again in this lifetime.

The eyes that just glow when talking to a friend on her birthday.



The eyes that simply say "its the simple things in life that bring the greatest pleasure sometimes".

The eyes that share new experiences with someone and the love seen there.

The joy filled eyes in treasures found.

The eyes of my young missionary friend as she is adjusting to a whole new way of life, where everything that has been normal is now a thing of the past. Changes. Differences.  Those are the new normal.  Those eyes that questioned at times as she used a new language to get us places. The eyes that filled with confidence when what she spoke was understood.  The eyes, that never looked haughty, but always filled with a humility and strength that only comes from God. The eyes that just show Jesus' love when you look into them.  The eyes that cry tears over what she misses and longs for, but eyes filled with the knowledge that she is exactly where she is suppose to be. Those eyes of wisdom way beyond her years at times, yet filled purity and innocence from the Word she has hidden in her heart. 

The eyes of my dear friend.

And then there were the eyes of those watching these letters fill the screen now. They have seen these places before, but were opened on a whole new level.  This time they were not looking at another country, another way of life.  This time, they were processing all the things they were seeing.  They took in every inch of a third floor apartment, wanting to remember everything about the place Sarah now called "home".  The eyes that filled with overwhelming pride as they watched Jo and Sarah minister to precious young Filipino ladies in Jo's living room.  The eyes that found themselves just watching these ladies and admiring their courage, their strength, their devotion to our God.  The eyes that filled with tears as we stood on Sarah's rooftop and watched the sunset and listened to the busy life of the street below and prayed together for her life, her ministry, her heart. The eyes that roamed around tables and shared many meals over the two weeks with some pretty amazing folks. Missionaries that have served for years and newly appointed missionaries being sent.  These brown eyes, surrounded by crows feet and still bloodshot from jet lag, took in a lot, the many people and the places she saw,  many things that went to the eyes of her heart. Those images, though not caught on camera, but  forever caught in the image files of her mind.  The goodbye image these eyes remember is by far the most difficult one to look at, but the one that stands out like the full moon on a clear night. The image that made these eyes stayed closed for much of the flight home, not in sleep but in prayer. Prayer for God's amazing grace, strength and mercy to pour down on my dear friends left behind as they fulfill the plans God has set before them and those they come in contact with every day will see our great God, Comforter, Healer, Saviour, Friend...in their eyes!

Brand New Endings

‎"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." Carl Bard

So we really don't know who Carl Bard is, but as Bobby Tucker brought the message this morning @antiochconway this was the quote he used.  What awesome truth in such a simple statement.

Bobby shared with us about Rahab, the prostitute, and how her choices in life was leading her down a road with not a happy ending.  Thankfully, she put her faith in God and chose His ways and God gave her a brand new ending!

He also shared about Bathsheeba, and how the choices of King David changed the road for her, but she trusted God and He gave her a brand new ending through it all.

Lastly he shared about Ruth.  Who doesn't love the book of Ruth?!!  Life just happened to Ruth, but she trusted God and He wrote a brand new ending for her as well.

Our lives are not much different.  As I look back on my life I see that I've been like Rahab, I've made many choices in my life that were not best for me. Not God honoring.  And like Bathsheeba, I've had things done to me, choices by other people, that have had major impact on my life.  And like Ruth, life has happened. Hurts have come, just because those happen in life.

It was many years ago that I gave my heart to Jesus, as a child, with child-like faith.  It was simple. It was pure. It was sincere.  Life still happens.  My choices and choices by others still had major impact on my life and the way I handled situations.  Then 2009 happened, and in October of that year, my life literally changed! God wrote me a brand new ending!  I'm so grateful.  He's stretching me little by little every day. Sometimes being stretched hurts.  And sometimes, people only remember the "old me" and that hurts.  And He's healing old wounds and lets face it, healing hurts.  But what blessed assurance He's giving me day by day that He has written my ending!  He is faithful. Always.

There are many days I become so frustrated with self that I about go insane, and then He gently reminds me through a verse, a song, a friend, a sermon, or a book that He is still in control and all I need to do is trust.  And trust I am doing.  I really am seeing what faith can do!  Walls are falling.  Hurts are healing.  He's blessing me beyond anything I could imagine and I'm forever thankful for the ending He is writing for me!

It may be a while before I blog again, but I for sure will when I return from a trip.  Turner and I leave Thursday morning for the Philippines to go visit dear friends there.  We are so excited and we will have much to blog about when we return I'm quite sure!  He has to write a report for school, so we'll be taking lots of notes! :)  Join me in prayer that his eyes will be opened and learn the lesson that "my own little world is not about me".

Happy 2011, friends!  Choose to live this year in His strength and allow Him to write you a brand new ending!

Faithful Christmas

Quiet times in my home during the holidays is very rare, but God blessed me with such this cold, dreary morning.  What an awesome way to start off my Christmas Eve day!

This Christmas has been so different for me.  God keeps opening my eyes to so many different things about this holiday, Jesus' birthday.  This morning I was reading John 14:1-4 and I like the way The Message Bible puts it:

"Don't let this throw you. You trust God, don't you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I'm taking."

"There is plenty of room for you in my Father's home." What a wonderful realization, that we, as Christians, have the ultimate Christmas party to go to one day, when we go Home!  And we know this promise to be true, because above all else, God is faithful! He can't not be. Its who He is.

I've been on my knees a lot over the past few weeks for those folks who can't be "home" for the holidays.  Its just something we take for granted, whether its just down the street, across the pasture, the next state over or a short plane ride, we always seem to be able to make it home for Christmas.  What about the soldier fighting for that very freedom we enjoy? What about the missionary telling others of the freedom they can have in Christ?  What about the single mom who has to leave her kids Christmas morning because she has to work?  What about that homeless man that I passed on the highway yesterday? Does he have anyplace he can go to and call "home"?

I don't know about you, but I do tend to live in my own little world, in my bubble of belief that everyone has a nice warm home to go to and a comfortable bed to sleep in and a warm meal on their table (or at least a restaurant to go out to eat). The hard truth is, the majority of the world's population doesn't have those things.  And believe me when I say, I'm not condemning us for having those things, I really enjoy those things!  Its just God is making me so much more aware of the fact how grateful I need to be.

A couple of our college girls and I went around town the other day looking for ways God smiles on us during this time of year, it was nothing big. It was the little things.  Christmas trees for sale. A cup of coffee. A sign that read "Jesus loves me, this I know". A stack of Christmas cards. A child's Christmas craft. An amazing sunset over a small lake. Those little things that we sometimes just overlook or take for granted, but oh when we really look, its those little things that make our hearts really smile!

And even last night, as I was in my car looking at a gorgeous moon and thanking God for the blessings of my life and praying for a few certain folks, God chose to smile at me through the radio!  On a station that had been playing Christmas music for nearly two weeks straight, suddenly they played two songs that mean so very much to me in my life!  Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas music, but I think God just wanted to give me an exclamation mark of His faithfulness!

I read from a blog the other day that "Christmas is not about going home, but about leaving home."  How true that is and honestly, it was the first time I've ever really thought about that fact.  It was that first Christmas morning that Jesus woke up and was not in His home anymore, but in ours.  He left all the glory of Heaven to come here, to a world that would, and still does, reject Him, mock Him, and make fun of Him.  Would you want to be somewhere like that for Christmas?  Yet, He did because of John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

He came and endured living in the dysfunctional world of ours we call "home" so that, if we believe in Him, we could one day really go Home for the Holidays!  And oh my! What a glorious Christmas that first Christmas in Heaven will be when we are all around the throne of God!  Eating at His table! Bestowing our gifts of praise to the Ultimate Christmas Gift!!

Faithful Christmas 2010, that is how I will remember these few weeks.  He has been, is, and always will be! Faithful!

Band-aids, the cure all

Do you remember falling down as a child and scraping your elbow or your knee?  Then you would run to mommy because you knew she would have a band-aid and that would make it all better.  Some days, don't you wish a band-aid would still stop the hurts of this world?
This may be a strange post for the Christmas season, but I see so many hurting people around me and that hurts my heart.  I would love to give them a band-aid and know that it would help them feel better, but we know now, as grown-ups, that sometimes hurts have to be cleaned to heal and and lets face it, healing hurts.
Sometimes to heal, we need that friend to just kind of slap us back into reality and let us know we need to get over ourselves....I think this would be the alcohol approach to the cleaning/healing process.  Its, at times, very necessary, but it always stings a bit!
Then we have those friends who might just encourage us and walk with us until our hurts begin to heal...this I look at as the hydrogen peroxide process....slowly it "bubbles" the hurt away, and in a way...having that friend beside us, its enjoyable to watch. 
Oh, but the best thing I remember about "boo boo's" was that cool lotion that would go on the hurt.  The healing balm.  We still have a healing balm today, for much bigger wounds.  God's Holy Word.  In Jeremiah the people are asked: 
"Is there no Balm in Gilead?
Is no physician there?
Why then is there no recovery
For the health of the daughter of my people? (Jer 8:21-22)

I think He may still ask us that question today.  Why don't we go to Him for the healing of our souls?  Perhaps we have hurt for so long, we just try to handle it ourselves, but infection of bitterness will eventually set in. Perhaps we just don't know what to do?  Hurts ignored, can still turn to infection for the soul.  If this is the case, let me urge you to seek the Great Physician, Jesus Christ.  In Him lies the answers to ALL of life's hurts.

This Christmas, enjoy the blessings of family and friends, the amazing privilege of giving, and of course enjoy all the goodies to eat!!  In the midst of it all, look at your hurts, give them to the Great Physician and let Him apply healing balm to your soul.  Also, be aware of the hurts of those around you. Care for them. Encourage them. Pray for them. Above all, point them to Jesus, that baby in the manger who grew to be the Savior for the world and the Healer of all hurts!

Dear most gracious Heavenly Father,  open my eyes to the hurts of those around me.  Break my heart for what breaks Yours.  Help me to always shine my light on You and for You.  Thank you for the promise found in Psalm 147:3, that You  "heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds."  Thank You for always being faithful to Your Word. Thank You for the hurts You have allowed in my life that have brought growth in my relationship with You. Thank You for that precious Gift You sent us long ago that is still celebrated today...the Child of Christmas who can fill us all with hope and joy if we open our hearts to Him.  Please hold those hurting souls right now in Your almighty arms and place someone in their path today to point them to You.  I ask this in the name of Jesus, the most precious name I know!  Amen. 

My Wish For You

As you blow out six candles on your birthday cake, here's MY wish for you:
*I wish for you joy in your life, not just happiness, but that true joy that can only come from the Father above.

*I wish for you innocence for as long as you can keep it in this world.  The world has a way of robbing us of innocence, so baby, I want you to keep that for as long as possible. I'll do my best to guard that for you!

*I wish for you a walk with the Lord that grows sweeter every day.  That He will be your "bff" always!  He will never leave you. Never let you down. And He is always there for you.  Walk with Him. Grow in Him. Trust Him.

*I wish for you friends that will be there to encourage you and to love you and that you can trust with all your girly secrets of parents, boys, and life, but above all that they'll be friends that always point you back to God and hold you accountable when you stray from Him.

*I wish for you a life that shines!  Your tender heart is a treasure.  I love watching you with the elderly or the ill, you are absolutely precious! Even with your autistic cousin, your love and compassion just shines through! Don't lose that, baby girl! Always be willing to love. Above all.

*I wish for you a life lived in humble service and love to God and to others.  Those are the two greatest commandments to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as yourself.

*I wish for you to have a love of self.  Its easy to get down on self, allow God to heal hurts, restore joy, and strengthen your faith every day. 

*I wish for you to enjoy life. Laugh a lot. Dance a lot. Sing to the top of your lungs a lot. Play in the mud a lot. Bake cookies and make a mess a lot. Just enjoy the blessings God has given you...a lot! 

*I wish for you to seek Him in a daily quiet time every day.  Take the time in this crazy, busy, fast-paced world to sit with Him, soak up His word and listen to His quiet voice to lead you.

*I wish for you a husband one day like your daddy.  A husband that will treat you like the princess you are and will love you second only to God.  A husband that will be loyal, faithful and true and lead you and your home in righteousness.

*I wish for you to always follow after God's heart.  Thats a big wish, because sometimes God's heart and mommy's hearts don't agree if that means taking their babies far away, but honey, I'll always wish for you to be in the center of God's will wherever that takes you.  Because in His will He will always give you just what you need when you need it.  He will be faithful. He will be enough.

These are life wishes, actually, they're so much more...they're my prayers for you, my hearts cry for the precious bundle of pink I received 6 years ago today. And though these are for your life...for today I just wish for you the simple joy of being a happy, healthy six year old little girl who knows without a doubt that she is loved!!  Because, baby girl, you. are!