"I can't not do it"

I remember those words being spoken by a dear friend of mine and I felt the same way as I was listening to my ipod a bit ago while cleaning house.  I'm about to post a "talk" off of a CD by Travis Cottrell.  Its Beth Moore speaking and wow! Every time I hear it, I just want to shout!

Enjoy:

"The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas. And the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been severely flogged they were thrown into prison and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully.  Upon receiving such orders he put them in the inner cells and fastened their feet in the stocks.
About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God and the other prisoners were listening to them. And suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prisons were shaken and at once all the prison doors flew open and every one's chains came lose. Their skin, torn apart by a severe flogging. And when the Word of God uses the word 'severe' for a flogging, they had been beaten half to death. I would suggest they did not feel like worshiping. They made a choice. And in that moment they overcame every power of darkness.
I thought to myself, 'there is so much purification in persecution'. You see when we do not have a negative force coming against us to unspoil us and to unify us then we can just decide we're not going to worship because we don't like that song the worship leader chose. Or we are distracted by some one's outfit. Anyone know what I'm talking about?  Or maybe we could not find a parking place at church and we're just like, ticked off.
So we're just not going to sing, cause we're not in the mood to sing.
Then we're reminded of a couple of guys torn to shreds who lifted up their voices in the midst of so much pain. Sometimes you praise first, and you feel it later. Anybody get that with me? You just praise first, and then you feel it later.
I thought to myself looking at these passages, that earthquakes at times can be the very best things that ever happen to us. And earthquakes do happen. Always means something exciting. A violent earthquake Scripture says. Something we were not looking for. Something we did not want. No one ever wants an earthquake in their life. Something in our personal life. Something in our marriages. Something with our kids. Something in our homes. Something in our businesses. A violent earthquake.
And our first reaction is to feel shamed by it. We may even drop out of worship experience, corporately over it. Hide from people. Feel like we could never show our faces.  When we don't realize that sometimes it takes a violent earthquake to bring change to our status quo. And sometimes we find that even in that God works all things together for good and He used that earthquake in your life and in my life. That unexpected violence that came to us to caused the ground beneath us to shake. Everything to shake that could be shaken so that we could see what Hebrews tells us that cannot be shaken.
And somehow in the midst of the biggest earthquake of our lives, that's what happened to me, those bonds that have held us every moment that we have lived begin to drop lose.
My grandson, Jackson, is almost 3 years old and when he was two and a half we were on a road trip with him. There he was in the car seat in the backseat and he kept looking out the window, we were in the middle of no where, on a country road getting to a retreat center. He kept saying 'I found it! I found it!'
'Well what did you find, darling?' and it would just be like a cow, it could be an old tractor, it could've been anything,..'I found it! I found it!'  All his life he had been looking for it. Sometimes we don't even know what we're looking for until we find it.
People are not looking for you to have it together.  People are looking at you to see what happens when you don't. What happens to you after an earthquake comes? And your bonds fall lose? And someone who has been a captive for 35 years is suddenly set free and the jailers around you go 'I don't know who that is, but i want it, because I found it! I found it! I didn't even know I was looking until I found it.'
What happens in worship does not stay in worship, we live it out and someone catches it. And they are saved!"


Has your world been shaken?  I know so many folks that I can look to and see real faith in God lived out in their lives as they have lived through or are experiencing earthquakes in their lives.  Oh what faith!  In those times, when no one else can do anything for us, we find that He is all we truly need.  I want that faith!  That passion! That influence!  The glory of God seen in my every day life...to live out worship, so others will see it and want it and be saved!!!  (As my former pastor would say...."Glory!!!")

Holey....like Swiss Cheese

Have you ever considered yourself to be like Swiss cheese?  Read this excerpt from a book by Nicole Johnson titled Fresh-Brewed Life:

"We are like Swiss cheese, and the holes in us are actually supposed to be there. The holes are the things that make us who we are. The holes are the places God has reserved in us for Himself! The longings identify our real hunger. A hunger that drives us to Him to be satisfied."

It seems every direction I turn these days God is reminding me of the fact that only He can fill those places in my life.  How often, do we as people, try to fill that empty feeling? and with how much junk?  Alcoholics try with liquor. Drug addicts with different types of drugs and that "high". But how about just little things that aren't necessarily considered "wrong", but ask yourself, "are they really beneficial?"

I'm going through a book (STRONG WOMEN soft hearts by Paula Rinehart) with a friend/mentor, Jerene Reddin, and this question has kept coming back to me.  What am I trying to fill my holes with?  Busyness seems to be the one that we all try the most. Being busy has almost become a competition. Who's busier, you or me? I mean, really folks! Has it really come to this?  In this day and time, we are all busy! It doesn't matter who you are or where you live, but often times, is it because of necessity or because of our wants, our desires to fill those holes with busyness or the things that busyness affords? I'm as guilty as the next person.

I was reminded of the old saying "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping."  Wow! How often have I done that?  If I begin to feel really down, don't I run to the closest mall?  Really....what do I need? Not a thing, but something about shopping, filling that instant gratification in us, makes us feel better...for a while.  The hole is still there.  That hole that can only be filled with the peace of God in our lives, time spent with Him and in His Word. It won't be filled with a new purse or some cute shoes! (though I'm not against those things!!! totally love cute shoes and purses!!)

We are all after success in our lives, but as our pastor (that really cute guy I happen to be married to!) told us yesterday, "Success is not found in our own strength, but in God's strength."  We won't be able to do it on our own.  Sure we can for a little while, but eventually that catches up to you. Trust me.  We can depend on "things" and even people, but in the end, true filling, true success, true happiness is found when we allow Him to fill those holes in our lives.  Things will fall apart, rust, decay.  People will make us mad, move away from us, and/or eventually die. Nothing we do can change those facts and if our holes have been filled with things other than God, our holes will remain.

I don't know about you, but I really don't care to be like Swiss cheese! I'd rather be solid like cheddar and we all know "cheddar is better"!!

His fault! My fault!

I hate him! I do, I can't stand him! He can take the most perfect day that was meant to be a great day with the Lord and totally ruin it with stupid stuff!  Do you know what I mean?
He has put misery into the lives of everyone I know and love.  He literally roams around looking for ways to make us miserable and to destroy our testimonies.  Why do we listen to him? Why do we cave?
There is not one single divorce, insecurity, illness, lie, deceit, manipulation, gossip, theft, murder, back-biting, depression, suicide, sex outside of marriage, pornography, drugs, drunkenness, apathy, gambling, etc. etc. that he is not a part of!  Life on this earth before him, was ideal. Then he entered, enticed, we listened and we fell.
Its Satan, and no, we can't keep blaming Adam and Eve; when what they did, we continue to do every day.  They were not with God and they listened to him, and failed.
Its his fault! All of it! Well, that is what I was thinking earlier anyway, but then I listened to God.  I sat before Him, our Lord, feeling so unworthy, yet again.  I had failed once again.  I had listened to the king of lies once again. I had failed to take the time to put on my armor, His armor, once again. And of course, we always look for someone to blame, so I blamed Satan, once again!
For several hours I went around my house blaming him, until the ears of my heart heard God say, "My child, I was here. I was ready to spend time with you. I was ready to equip you to fight those fiery darts he was going to throw. I was ready to put my power in you to withstand anything he could throw your way. I wanted to fill you, fill you to overflowing. I wanted to pour down My grace and mercy so you could be a light to all those whom you come in contact with and by doing that glorify My Son. I was here, Child. Waiting. And waiting. Always ready to love you. To hold you.  Don't feel unworthy. My Son died for you. You are priceless to me. You are precious to me. And you are right, he does seek to ruin you, but I am stronger. Take the time to come to me. Read my love letters to you. Read them again and again. Memorize them. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in this world. I'm breaking your heart for those things that break mine. Its going to hurt, my child, but I'll hold you. You're never out of My hands. Stand strong! Your armor is on. I'm equipping. I'm pouring. I'm filling. Go shine. Go fight. Go glorify My Name in all you say and do. And above all, just love."
Well hello! It was MY fault! I chose not to seek Him first and without that daily armor being put on, I'm too weak to fight. The armor has too many holes, but Nehemiah 4:20 promises that the Lord will fight for us! How awesome is that! We only have to seek Him.
And as a cherry on top, my devotional reading began with this paragraph:
"Whenever we find favor with someone, we feel their support. In everything we do, we are encouraged. Its not that we feel we can do no wrong, but we feel that we will always do right. Verses pepper the Bible with ways we can find favor with God. The most basic of ways begins with opening God's Word and instilling it into our hearts and minds."  (Charles Stanley, Pathways to His Presence)
"Let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." (Proverbs 3:3)
Everything is sweeter after time spent with Him. Why do we struggle with this? I challenge you to spend some time with our Creator today. Savor His goodness and His love!

I've seen what faith can do!

October 12^th will always hold a special place in my heart, because it was on this date last year that I chose to quit just talking the talk, but to truly walk the walk.  I had believed in Jesus for a long time and in the past had had a great relationship with Him. I chose to let troubles of this world, wounds given to me, wounds I had given, and the fact that the plans for my life were not necessarily the plans God had for my life have much more focus than they needed.  I had been a Christian since I was 8 years old, but for the past 10 years or so I had chosen not to truly value my relationship with Him…that was until last October!

Kutless had their new song out, “What Faith Can Do”  and I cannot tell you the times I had listened to it and wondered “just what can my faith do?”  It felt so small, but I wore the mask of a faithful follower well.  I attended our annual Pastor’s Oasis and the group Selah was there and they had a song that really spoke to me, called “Unredeemed” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NreUhPk9s9Y) Its amazing how God can really grab my heart with a song…He knows what each of us needs and what exactly will speak to us, and perhaps only us, but He always knows best!  He was tendering my heart, getting it ready for the breaking process it was about to endure.

The day after I returned from Pastor’s Oasis I left for Memphis to go hear Beth Moore…and if you don’t know who she is…google her! NOW!  Jason jokingly calls us a cult, but it’s a cult I’m a proud member of!  

She was doing a women’s conference in Memphis and I went with some ladies from our church.  She spoke right to me, or should I say God spoke directly to me through her.  He was calling me to forgive where forgiveness needed to be given, to love those that might hate me, and to lay all my broken pieces at His feet.  Of course, being the hard head that I am, I left without doing any of the above!

Then came Sunday night after church, actually pretty late that night, I had a true heart to heart with a friend. Spilled just about everything and told her I knew I had been wearing a mask.  Those masks that are so easy to put on…the mask of “everything is okay”, the mask of “Bible studier”, the mask of “all is well”, the mask of “caring pastor’s wife”.  There are so many masks we wear, the list could go on and I’m pretty sure I had a closet full of them, just chose daily which one I was going to wear and would just put on whichever one the day called for and typically would pack a few more “just in case”.  Oh how I was fooling myself!

She gave me a verse that night and I read it when I got home, but it wasn’t until Monday morning, October 12, 2009 that I took it to heart.  Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”  That morning I literally spent three hours with the Father. Oh what a precious time!  I laid down all my hurts, fears, failures, basically a broken heart and gave them to Him…and that is where the healing began.  I prayed Psalm 51:12 “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”  My faith had been stagnant long enough and I had just been going through the motions, oh, but no more!

Has the road been easy? No. Healing hurts. Has it brought joy? Absolutely!  It’s the joy that can only come from Him and spending time with Him.  When you allow Him full access to your heart and build on the relationship that begins the day of salvation, its life changing!

I’m grateful for my husband who prayed for me and had known for a while that this point was coming, but in his wisdom he chose to just remain quiet and allow God’s timing and His Spirit to lead me to the change.  He is such a godly man and I thank God for him every day of my life.

I’m also grateful for a young college student, who turned out to be one of the best friends ever.  I know we are a very unlikely pair, but isn’t that just like God, to put a friend in our life that is totally beyond anything we ever imagined?!  Sarah Hebert has listened, encouraged, challenged, and was always there asking “have you put that armor on yet?”  She held me accountable and still does, even now, living a half a world away.  I’m forever grateful for this unique friendship and she will never know just how much God has used her life in my relationship and growth in Him.

God has opened door after door once I gave it all to Him.  He led me to go on a trip to the Philippines last February where I helped with the Asia-Pacific Women’s Conference.  What a blessing that was!  I’ll have to admit though, that I had this overwhelming fear once I got there of “what in the world was He thinking bringing me here?”  God always knows best!  Though I’m so unworthy, He still loves me and has just led me to be a lot more transparent with Him and with others.

Am I still wearing masks?  I’d be lying to say that I never throw one of those on, but I’m much more aware of what I’m doing and can more easily lay them aside and just be real. Transparency in this day and age is hard.  Everyone expects the pastor’s wife to have it all together, well, NEWSFLASH…this one doesn’t!  I’m just a sinner saved by grace just like the next person. And oh what marvelous grace that is!  I’m so thankful that I serve an amazing God who loves me, regardless of anything I may do; it’s unconditional! 

Now the prayer of my heart is to break my heart for what breaks His.  I want that passion to love others like He loves them.

Yes, this past year, “silent prayers have been answered, broken hearts have been made new, that’s what faith can do!”

A few of my favorite things...

1. watching my kids while they sleep
2. listening to bedtime prayers and hearing Landri thank God for her great-great grandmother up in heaven
3. knowing my husband is in his office studying for a sermon
4. getting a random gift and not knowing who its from
5. seeing Brad when I go in Wal-mart and hearing him tell me "I. am. blessed."
6. cold mornings 
7. fireplaces
8. coffee with Jesus in the mornings
9. having someone write something nice on my facebook wall
10. seeing a friend's name pop up that she's on skype
11. fishing with my daddy
12. shopping at Canton with my mom
13. finding the "perfect" gift
14. New York City in the fall or at Christmas time
15. laughing
16. movie nights
17. spa days
18. random acts of kindness
19. flowers from my honey
20. pumpkin patches
21. my CrossTraining class
22. wrapping Christmas presents
23. good smelling candles, you know those that smell like the holidays!
24. Sunday mornings at Antioch
25. home group
26. meeting a friend at Starbuck's
27. flip flops
28. hoodies
29. smores around the fire pit
30. my chair by my fireplace
31. a surprise text from a friend
32. God's grace at just the right moment
33. photos of family and friends
34. coloring books
35. new socks
36. clean, fresh smelling sheets
37. warm towels
38. encouraging text messages
39. french fries and a chocolate shake
40. klove
41. unboxing Christmas decorations every year and replaying the memories
42. front porch swings
43. the beach and a good book
44. having a friend not only pray for you, but with you
45. unexpected card in the mailbox
46. a big pile of leaves
47. my kids and their "fort"
48. Landri telling Daddy to "tickle me" and giggling
49. sunsets
50. smiles 

Those are just a "few" of my favorite things.  Isn't God so good?  On days when the world may let us down or have us discouraged, we can always find something good if we look hard enough. God is always there. He is always faithful and He always has a word for us.  He is a friend like no other and will always give us just what we need at just the right moment.  How awesome is that???!  He knows us better than anyone and still chooses to love us and bless us with simple little "favorites" every day.  Now, what is one of your favorite things? :)