Do you ever ask yourself that question? Is what I'm doing really have a purpose? Am I really reaching anyone? Does it all matter? Really???
I know this is totally different than my last post, that "remaining" one. I honestly desire to be one of those upbeat, always positive people that can give you just the right word of encouragement when you need it. Quote just the right Bible verse at just the right time. Be there at your side with just the right words, but lets face it, that's. not. me.
Struggles come. Life is thrown at me. And to be quite honest and transparent, well, sometimes I don't deal with it in the best way. There's always the friend there to remind me that she is praying and that He is faithful, but truthfully, I still want to run and hide under a rock! I want to talk about it all. I don't want to talk about it. I want to deal with it and get it all taken care of. I don't want to deal with it. I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to punch someone in the face. Can you relate? Its a battle. The old age battle that cartoons depict by a little angel sitting on one shoulder and a little red devil sitting on the other. Which will I listen to?
Why do my kids argue all the time? What have I done or not done in raising them that they can't behave like "those" children. You know the ones! Why do I allow teenage girls to get to me so? Why do I meet with them week after week and some days I feel as if every seed I'm throwing is falling on rocky ground? That it will never take root! Why can't I just pack my bags, buy a plane ticket and head to the tropics for a few days? Isn't life better at the beach? Don't problems disappear there? Isn't all perfect there amidst the palm trees and sandy shores?
Well after trying to remain in Him this weekend, He reminds me that I don't always have to be upbeat, but I do have to trust Him. He reminds me that I won't always have the right words to say, but to trust Him and sometimes I just need to listen or to be listened to. He reminds me that "those kids" are not perfect, they fuss and fight as well, just like my kids. He reminds me that teenage girls are just crazy, hormonal young ladies trying to find their place in this world and to not give up on them. Some of those seeds very well may fall on rocky soil, but to keep doing what I'm doing for all the ones that drop on fertile soil. For those that really get it!
He also reminds me that life is not perfect underneath the palm trees either, that packing my bags and running away from it all is just that...running away. There would still be problems. Life still happens. Hurricanes would eventually come, just like storms in this life. And like the old song says, "sometimes He calms the storms, other times He calms His child". I'm not sure which way He's going to take me today, but I'm choosing now to trust Him for the calming, however it comes.
And I'm sure this is quite ramble-ly....I'm going to blame it on the NyQuil, the DayQuil, the Claritin, and the Advil!
Girl, do I ever know how this pair of shoes feels! I'm so weak to argue that it must be wrong if it's tough. I want to run and find the comfortable, because "if it's comfortable, it must be right". I know better. I know scripture tells me different. I watch and read and ponder the journey of Paul. "Right" was hard, but he was willing to suffer for it. In fact in Colossians 1:24 he says "he rejoices in his sufferings for the sake of Christ". What? How far I am from that all to often. My problem is I want to serve Jesus and stay comfortable too. "It doesn't work that way" I tell myself, but I still ask Him to try to make it work that way, just for me, just today. I ponder the scripture in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances for THIS is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." In meditating, I see how far I am from His will all to often. I'm not remaining in Christ Jesus in order to fulfill God's will. I'm "remaining" in my own selfish will and miserable! Oh how I flop and flounder and repent and seek forgiveness. "Apart from him I can do NOTHING" I praise Him and thank Him for his forgiveness during such times of repentance. And then, I like you, can again say, "although I don't know which way He's going to take me today, I trust Him for the calming, however it comes." Thank you for sharing your heart and allowing me to share mine as I struggle with the same all too often!
ReplyDeleteToya.
ReplyDeleteI mean it this time.
Get out of my head.
(Minus the kids part. But...can we make that siblings instead?) ;)
Sorry if I've brought the drama lately. :(
Not feeling too upbeat these days myself. Upheaval. Insecurity. Unsettled. It's-not-fair syndrome. Pray for that calm. That's exactly what I asked for last Monday night. Sometime, during the day on Tuesday, I felt the entrance of calm. Hasn't filled every room, but it's there. It's not about how I feel. It's about truth. Must remember . . . it's about what is true. (all this and no meds!)
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