"How Long, O Lord, How Long?"

"How long, O Lord, how long?" those are the words of David in Psalm 6.  Have you ever found yourself asking the same thing?  I sure have!  It seems there are times in our lives that God just seems silent. I will be honest, I do NOT like those times. At. All. It is during these times that my heart cries out the same words as King David, asking God, "how long?" 
There are days that I feel I am in a place of either totally depending on Him or totally giving up. I've often wondered if I am the only one that feels this way, because folks don't talk much about their weaknesses, their fears, their insecurities, their failures, their own unbelief.  I've been assured I am not the only one, so if you've been there you'll understand. If you've never been there, then well, please don't judge me, I'm just sharing my heart.
Total dependence on Him has always been a struggle for me. Always. I am much quicker to depend on self, material possessions, or friends than to depend on God. Its easier. As crazy as it seems, as a control freak, its easier to depend on those things we have some control over. When we give it all over to God, then we give up that control, that dependence on what we can know and see. We have to take our focus off of self and place it on the King of the Universe, and that means we have to give up our pity parties.
Now, I know all the Sunday School answers. I know "He is God. He is faithful. He can always be trusted. He sees the big picture. He holds my heart." I can quote all of those with the best of them!  Some days those are quoted to me and the enemy tries hard to shut my heart on them, to be hard hearted, calloused. These are the very days I really have to cling to those simple truths. Those Sunday School truths that I've been taught my entire life: God is love. God does care. God does listen to our hearts. God knows everything. God doesn't mind our questions. God desires to spend time with me. God thinks I'm beautiful. God doesn't expect perfection, He knows I'm human. He just desires me to seek Him and to trust Him.
Its decision time at that point to choose His ways of dependence on Him or to just give up, which involves putting on the mask and giving the right answers even when my heart doesn't believe them. Yes, basically, a hypocrite. I don't want that. I don't want to just give the right answers, I want to KNOW them in my heart of hearts. To believe them with all that is in me. I want transparency in my life so that it may bring Him glory.
He IS God. He IS in control. He WILL be with me. He WILL hold my heart in His tender care. He "has heard my cries for mercy and accepted my prayer." (Psalm 6:9)

Struggles will continue, I'm not naive to believe they won't, but I want to encourage my friends out there:
-the ones who have children who are critically ill, or just those who have kids with a cold.
-the ones going through chemo and radiation treatments, or those just with the flu.
-the ones who have marriages falling apart, and those that are sticking it out no matter what.
-the young ladies whom have allowed things to go too far, and those who desire to remain pure.
-those caring for ailing parents, and those who have had to say goodbye too soon.
-those who are seeking happiness in the things of the world, and those who are seeking Him.
-those that think money will buy happiness, and those who realize it never will.
-those ministers and families in churches where its more important what you wear than what you believe, and those who look beyond the clothes, to the heart of the people
-those missionaries that find themselves wondering what was He thinking, to those who know, without a doubt, they are exactly where they belong.
-and those like me that find themselves struggling with insecurities and unbelief, and those who have gotten past those very insecurities and beliefs.
To each of you, let us remind each other that through it all, our God IS faithful! He IS in control!  He IS with us! He WILL hold us! He WANTS to hear our honest cries! He LONGS to give us His grace and mercy! He always has been, is, and always will be enough!

Psalm 9:10 "Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."  He will never abandon us no matter what we face! Praise His name!!