Mask of Joy

That is what I felt like today. Do you ever have one of those days? When you feel like you have people so fooled by the mask you are wearing?  I received a text today saying something about me being so calm and having it so together. I nearly spit the water I was drinking out on the laundry I was working on over the laugh I did on that one!

I mean really, it was just a short time before that text came that I had nearly pulled my hair out with my kids and sent them to their corners (literally, noses pointing inward!) before they came out for about the 15th round...and that was before noon!

Yes, the mask was on out in public, but then again, is that such a bad thing?  Do I really need the teller at the bank to know how I can really mess up the job as mom? Do the people at the post office really need to know how I am not such a great friend some days?  And how about that perky little thing checking us out at lunch? Does she need to know that today I'm not the textbook "pastor's wife"? And the lady at the bowling alley? She doesn't really need to see my real emotions right now, does she?

I think its days like this, that one honestly has to rely heavily on the Spirit to put a mask on for you. The real me, the human me, wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but the Spirit living in me, He held my tongue. The real me, could have gone through the day with a chip on her shoulder, but the Spirit had already flung it off. The real me could have taken things real personal, but the Spirit in me allowed it to let it go. The real me could have taken this hormonal middle age lady and given someone a real talkin' to, but the Spirit in me reminded me that being controlled by my own desires will stunt my spiritual growth.

Typically, you will find me yelling "take off the mask! just be real! be transparent!"  While I still firmly believe those things, I also believe there is a time and place.  If I were to sit down with any of those folks I mentioned for a one on one conversation, I'd like to believe I could be real with them and allow them to see the so many weaknesses in me, but also that I would point any strength I did possess right back to the Father.  Do they need to know I'm having a bad day in one brief encounter? I don't think so. What kind of light does that shine for Him or on Him?1 Corinthians 2:3 says "I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling." and often that is where I find myself, going out into this darkened world with fear and much trembling. I do not boast in my own self! There is absolutely not one thing for me to boast about! But when the mask does come off, and I do just get real, well then I hope you can see me as God sees me....a very wretched sinner, but saved by that wonderful blood of Jesus!

 As Christians we hear often about the armor of God. I even have a friend that will ask me some days if I'm being a little whiney or snippy, "have you put your armor on?" Meaning have I spent some time with Him and in His Word.  Well today, my friend, I can honestly say, "yes, ma'am! The armor was put on! And along with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit, the helmet of salvation, and the shield of faith, today I also put on the mask of joy"...which I guess really isn't a mask after all. Its just allowing the Spirit to smile through!

So no, dear Caroline, I am far from calm and having it all together; but I gladly wear the mask of that when needed for no other reason than to point to the Lord and where my strength lies! Also to remind others of what Bro. Bobby reminded us yesterday at Antioch...."the best is yet to come!!"

Here's the Story!

It was the night of May 14, 2011 as I sat at my kitchen table wrapping gifts for my senior girls that God first gave me the thought of going back to the Philippines, or at least I thought it was God. My son and I had gone in January of this year and I really had no plans of going back until this next year for a women's conference.

I spent a couple of days really praying about it before I asked Jason to join me in prayer about the whole idea. I really and truly wanted to know that it was something God had planned and not just me missing a friend.

Well now five weeks later, do I have a story to tell!  I have gone back and forth so many times on this whole thing, and to be quite honest, I really didn't want to go. Sure, it'd be great to see Sarah, but folks, that's a LONG trip and it takes a lot out of you. And doing it all three weeks before school starts when you're the PTO president and you have two kids to shop for, well, I was thinking it was seriously insane!

The Lord and I have had some pretty good discussions these past few weeks, mostly me telling Him that I really don't need to go. Its an expensive trip. So much to do. What about the kids, Lord? What about the money, Lord? Tickets were running $2100! I don't know about you, but I typically don't have that kind of money just laying around my house! (or anywhere near it!)

Well I finally told the Lord, if He really wanted me to do this, He was just basically going to have to drop a ticket out of the sky. I had a little bit saved up, about a fifth of what I would need just to buy my ticket from Little Rock to Manila, much less my ticket from Manila to Bacolod!  So in one of our "talks" I basically told Him, "okay, God, this is what I have, lets see what You can do!" Oh me, of little faith!!! I mean this is God we are talking about! The one that can calm the storms and seas with "Peace be still." What was I thinking??!!!

It was about a week later a friend and I were talking and she asked about the Philippines and I told her about this crazy notion and how I was truly praying that if it be His will, He would work it out. She got quiet for a minute and then said, "Toya, I have all kinds of Delta sky miles, lets see what we can do." Oh yeah, this was about to get interesting!

We checked on the sky miles and it takes 120,000 to get a ticket to go to Manila!! That's a LOT of sky miles, folks!  We did check on transferring miles and what a cool thing, Delta has a 50% bonus going on if you transfer miles, they'd give you 50% more than what you transfer. Awesome! Well, that was until we started checking!  Either of us could transfer and have enough, but it would cost me about twice as much as what I had. So once again, I tabled the idea.

Fast forward a couple of days and this friend calls me back letting me know Delta has some special promotions going on and she was going to apply for one and would receive some major additional points. She told me enough that I'd just have to transfer a little to her account and then she'd have enough. The catch: Delta told her it could take up to four weeks to have all the miles posted.  I knew that would be cutting it close, but we'd wait and see. It truly was ALL in His hands.

In the mean time, silly me, really decided to step out on faith and took every cent I had saved and bought Jason a new laptop! Yes. Every cent was now gone. I remember walking out to my car with computer in hand and saying, "Okay, Lord, that was a big step of faith, now You'll really have to show out for me if this is what You want."  Oh that God, He does like to show off sometimes!!!

Another friend of mine told me she was going to have a garage sale the next weekend and if I had anything bring it on over. Well I had cleaned out the kids playroom Memorial day and had bags of toys as well as a few other things piled in a corner of my garage. I felt certain I didn't have more than $100 worth of junk in there.

It gives me great pleasure to tell you that God showed up and showed off over the next two weeks. Delta had points posted in less than two weeks. Miles were transferred. Plane ticket was purchased (with insurance, because my faith is still so small!!). Blessings were received. Plane tickets that were needed while actually in the Philippines were purchased. And I am thrilled to tell you I am in the positive $3.00!

I'll still need a little spending money and a night or two for a hotel while I'm in Manila, but I fully believe God already has all of that in place! He's worked it all out including my kids and folks already volunteering to take them for a day or so while I'm gone!

The night the ticket was purchased was almost exactly one month from when that crazy idea first came into my head, When I laid down that night I told Jason I had peace for the first time in a month. I knew that while others may question, judge, ridicule, or even envy; I had done what He wanted me to do. When He places something that heavy on your heart and works it all out by His plan, you can't say "no"! And I knew I'd be going with my husband's and kids' support, as well as the knowledge that God had this in His plans all along.
Now what will I do while I am there? I have absolutely no idea! Perhaps its just to be an encouragement to a friend. Perhaps just a shoulder that may be needed. Perhaps He'll open new doors for me to do something while I'm there. I have NO idea and while I enter in to that with a bit of fear and apprehension, I know without a doubt that whatever He has led me to do, He will equip me to do it! After all, Psalm 32:8 says "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  And God never goes back on His Word!

Just Love!

A few lessons learned from the http://antiochconway.com/site/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=69 iPromise series.

*God honoring obedience is doing the right thing with the right attitude.  Ouch! How often do I find myself doing the right thing, just because its expected, but not with a very good attitude about it. I'm praying that God continues to work in my life and that doing the right thing with the right attitude would just become second nature.
*Obedience brings blessings. Oh how those lessons are being learned. Obedience does bring blessings, but on the flip side, disobedience always brings consequences. That whole "reap what you sow" thing, its a truth that, no matter what age you are, it still relates to you.
*Freedom comes with responsibility.
*Don't make your family bitter. Instruct them in the right ways in the right way.
"The greatest gift you can give your kids is not your treasures, but allowing them to see theirs." -Max Lucado
"In everything set them an example by doing what is good." Titus 2:7a
*Is the life I'm living one I want my children to follow? Am I passing on a passion for the Lord, His church, a love for people, a heart for missions, and a strong desire to please Him in all they do? Oh this is my heart's prayer!
*Nuturing and guiding is best received when built on a good relationship.
*T-I-M-E....it is the best way to build it.
*Don't miss out on the things that matter for the things that don't.
*Accept the place in life God has given you at this moment. Every stage God wants to use you for what is to come.
*You can't surprise God, He knows all!
*No relationship in your life will be good, until you get your relationship right with God.
*Use your time to serve God and others, your energy for eternal benefits.
*What's the church's ultimate goal? To honor Christ in ALL things.
*When a church begins to have problems its when they lose sight of their goal.
*DON'T FORSAKE YOUR FIRST LOVE!
*The same things that can trip up a church can trip up a marriage.
*You are responsible for your part whether they do their part or not.
*To be able to do your part, you have to be living in submission to His Spirit.
*There are times we must be willing to let our desires be overlooked for that of the other.
*For a marriage to survive, LOVE must remain; not the feeling of love, but the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love!
*Marriage won't change a person!
*Marriage does not automatically mean unity.
*I must choose to love; demonstrate it~through your words, not just what you say, but how you say it.
*I must change what needs to be changed! "“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew 7:3-5
*I must strive to model Christ.
*We all have a story of how our marriage began (our life) and we are all in the process now of writing how it will end. Write it well!
*Love each other with a Christ kind of love!

These are just a few lessons learned and now my prayer is that I may truly live these out, in front of my children, my husband, my church, and those I come in contact with every day. Life is really hard some days and Satan loves to use others to knock us down again and again. We just have to remember to daily put on His armor, that we can stand against those fiery darts.
Frustrations come with the little things, but I serve a God of everything, the little things as well as the big things! I'm giving it all to Him today and trusting Him to lead me. My goal for today, just love!

Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend!

It was a Monday night, three days after I graduated high school, when this handsome young guy walked into the back door of our church for our youth activity the week of Vacation Bible School. I was new in town, and nudged my friend beside me, "Who is THAT?" I inquired. "Jason Aultman" she replied. I was smitten!

He was brought to church by a mutual friend to meet the new girl in town, which was me. He says he still remembers the first word out of my mouth "Hi!"  Yep, that's how deep I was...still am; just keep it simple!

That was June 3, 1985, eight days later we had our first date. Yes, he was the only guy I ever dated after high school. We had so much fun that summer just getting to know each other. We'd play basketball, go to the lake and water ski, watch movies, just get to know each other. Oh such fun memories!  I knew by the time college started that August, I had found my other half.

We dated the next two and a half years, then in December of 1987, he took me out to eat and then we drove up to Love's Lookout. (yeah, that just sounds like a make-out place, doesn't it??) It was there that he gave me a huge box that had a bear inside, and also just happened to have an engagement ring tied on a bow around his neck. Jason took the ring off the bow and took my hand and ask "Toya M'chele Turner, will you marry me?" 

Well, if you know me, you know I like to take my time and really think things out. Ponder them. Not rush into anything. Not be too spontaneous. I'm sure I waited at least 2.3 seconds before I shouted "YES!"  We had some schooling we wanted to get behind us, so we set the date of June 17, 1989.

I remember planning and dreaming of our wedding day. I wanted it to be what every little girl dreams of. I grew up with the fairytale wedding of Princess Diana all over the news and I wanted my wedding to be just a notch or two above that!

During all the planning and dreaming stages, we also had to live life. We had to go to school, deal with studying, juggle jobs, writing papers, and squeezing dates in here and there.  It was a long time to date, much less be engaged!  There were many struggles during this time, because Satan just loves to throw things our way and he knows the human desire for sex. Though it is a gift from God, the devil loves to use it against us. I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't a struggle, but I can also tell you that He will give you the strength and grace you need to save yourself if you only ask and continue to seek Him daily in the relationship.

It seems like yesterday that I was preparing for a wedding this week. In reality, it is 22 years ago this week.  22 years! 22 years I have spent living with my best friend. Doing life together. Serving together. Worshiping together. Laughing together. Crying together.

Jason has many fans, I know, but there is none bigger than me!  He is such a man of character. He chooses first to ask what God would have of him, and then everything else seems to fall into place. He's the epitome of displaying the Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I can look at every one of those words, and if I were to write a dictionary, I'd put his picture beside each one.

Yes, after 22 years of marriage, I am still hopelessly in love with my best friend. He has been by my side through the good times and bad. I choose today to thank him.

Thank you, Jason, for listening to that friend years ago and coming to check out the new girl in town. Thank you for pursuing me. Thank you for putting up with me during those dating years, while in college and still discovering who I was. Thank you for loving me, loving God, and guarding my purity. Thank you for saving yourself for me. Thank you for being the most patient husband on planet earth. Thank you for the times you've set beside my hospital bed and just held my hand as I underwent infertility surgeries. Thank you for following God's will for your life and going into the ministry. I cannot imagine doing anything else with our lives! Thank you for your servant's heart. Many do not know what all you do behind the scenes for folks, but I do and our kids do and they are paying attention. Thank you for putting such a Christlike example before them. Thank you for being an amazing daddy and desiring to be as involved as you can be in the lives of our kids. Thank you for loving our church family and setting a true example of a Christian leader before them. Thank you for understanding me and allowing me to do what I feel God calls me to do. Thank you for treating me like a princess every day of our lives.

I'm very unworthy of a man like you, but I thank God for you every single day of my life. I have been blessed!  You truly are the most amazing, humble, caring, patient man I know!  I count it a blessing to be married to a preacher, when that preacher is you!  Being a pastor's wife is not always fun, but the blessings I have received in this life through our service together to Him cannot be counted!

I love you, Jason Aultman!! Lets go another 22 years or more, shall we?

22 years in pics put into one song! :)

Broken Mugs, Bad Moods, & a "Word"

Monday morning. Isn't that enough said, right there?  Well, my morning yesterday started off pretty well. I woke up early and spent some time in prayer and crawled out of bed with my cup filled. Of course, since Satan wasn't really crazy about that he started doing everything he could to dump my cup out!  Its amazing the tactics he will use to take one's good day and turn it upside down!
Yesterday Satan decided he would use one of my children to start dumping my cup out. I'm not sure what has happened to the happy-go-lucky morning child, but as of late, it is one whine after another in the mornings. Yesterday was no exception! From the time that child rolled out of bed, until loaded in the truck it was one long whine! AAGGHHH!!!!  My cup had been bumped and definitely some had been spilled.
Well that dirty devil wasn't through yet! He then decided to use this little, white, seven pound Maltese (shall remain nameless) to tick me off! I was sitting in my big comfy chair watching a bit of Good Morning America while having my morning coffee when the phone rang. I sat my mug down to go grab the phone and it was just seconds before I heard a crash! That little mutt had tried to drink my coffee and sent it over the edge and shattered it all over the hard wood floors. Did I mention this was the "perfect" mug? It held just the right amount of coffee to get me through my day. I was not happy! Oh and the phone call, a telemarketer, of course! GRR!
Obviously, my cup was now empty in more ways than one, but oh, he was not finished with me yet. That nasty dude would not be through until I totally lost it! Now, he decided to use a few of my friends. It was quickly apparent they were in bad moods as well, and 1 bad mood + 1 bad mood = a really bad mood! I started to give in. He was putting it all out there so easily for me. He wanted quickly to totally ruin my day, but I refused!
Now before I sound too noble, know this, it wasn't me! It was the WORD! The Word of God! I picked up my Bible and began to read, even read back through notes from Sunday School and the sermons on Sunday. Here are a few of the verses or notes I read, just too good not to share:


*Romans 8:31-37 (NIV) ³¹"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." BAM! Take that Satan!

*"As you face problems and temptations, focus your attention on God and His resources, trusting Him to help you." (Life Application Bible)

*We don't have problems. God has problems. We just have to be obedient!

*What should be our ultimate goal? To honor Christ in ALL things! 

*I am responsible for my part in this life, whether the other person does their part or not.

*No relationship in your life will be right until your relationship with God is right. 

*Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation 

   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

*If the Lord is wanting you to do something, Satan will put someone or something in your path to try and get you not to do it!

WOOHOO!! Glory!! I went to my knees and praised Him and thanked Him for filling me up! I prayed for that whiny child, I had sent off to school, to have a good day and to be a blessing to someone. She did and she was!  I prayed for friends, and that He would give them exactly what they needed. And after I got up, I did not have a dog put to sleep, but instead sent her to her crate and went out and bought me an even bigger and better mug! 

So today, if you're feeling whiny, tired, things just aren't going your way, go to Him. I realize these were little things in life, but these often are the things that drive us absolutely crazy! Whether its something little thats really irritating you or something way out of your control, He has you. He's holding you. He's waiting for you. All you have to do is give it to Him and allow Him to fill you with His Spirit. What an amazing God we serve!!!